


say it

by mido



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mido/pseuds/mido
Summary: even god gets lonely at night.





	say it

Rai is not a cat that pines.

If he were honest with himself, the only other time he’d experienced emotions like this (specifically those directed towards someone else) was when he was young in Setsura, before his parents had died. There was another young cat there, one that had stuck with him no matter how many times he rejected their friendship; he had had chestnut brown hair, ears and tail, and eyes the color of treesap. Or maybe honey was a better descriptor. 

(Rai had only recently come upon the fact that Konoe shared the same color eyes as that cat. Maybe that was why he saved him in the first place, he wonders dully.)

Nonetheless, even that cat had looked at Rai like he was monstrous when his parents had fallen by their own son’s hand. Even that cat had turned away from him, like everyone else had before them. Rai didn’t particularly hold it against him; it was what he had expected from the beginning, and they had proven him correct.

(Notice how nowhere in that little story is the word “pining”. Rai did _not_ pine.)

And though while Rai most certainly did not pine, he’ll still acknowledge that he’s been a bit more observant recently in regards to a certain cat. More specifically, he’s been noticing things; the way the Moon of Light throws its rays across his dark hair, shining in a makeshift halo; the way his eyes, blue like the sky at noon, light up like guiding leaves when Bardo sets a plate of food before him; the way he smiles at Konoe and looks at him with such wonder and interest that Rai would believe anyone who told him Konoe was Two Canes themself. 

Okay, maybe he was pining. Just a little.

Konoe had seemed to be catching on, though originally he had just let Rai be and suffer his unrequited feelings in private. However, he’d decided to corner Rai one evening when the larger cat had just torn his gaze away from Asato for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day and chosen to retreat upstairs, having already finished his dinner (despite barely touching it). He was about to enter his room, adjacent to Asato’s (Konoe no longer shared it with him-- he’d moved into Bardo’s when their relationship entered romantic territory), when he felt a firm tap on his shoulder; Rai turns to meet the determined eyes of a cat not only lankier than him, but shorter as well. 

Before he has a chance to open his mouth and spit something along the lines of _are you here just to glare at me, or is there something you want_ , Konoe speaks. “You know,” he says, poking his finger at Rai’s chest, “the only reason he hasn’t figured you out yet is because he’s Asato. You’re a lot more obvious than you think.”

Rai snickers at Konoe’s tip, crossing his arms and not even bothering to play dumb. “At least not as obvious as you before that bastard finally caught on.” 

The smaller of the two bristles, his ears flattening in embarrassment and irritation. “I was _going_ to offer my advice, but I guess you’ve got everything covered.” He huffs.

Rai raises an eyebrow and smirks. “What makes you think I need your help? Stupid cat.” He waves off Konoe’s seemingly good intentions and turns back to his room, opening the door and stepping inside. Before he closes it, however, the other shouts out “Just don’t come running to me when you hit a dead end!” before stomping away. Rai snickers again, tossing Konoe a doubtful look and shutting the door.

Opening the window reveals the Moon of Light melting into the horizon, and Rai leans against the sill as he watches the darkness slowly spread across the sky like a blanket. If he were to think more poetically of it, he’d think that the pinks, oranges and purples would look dazzling reflected in that black cat’s eyes, and he’d think that the coming nighttime is almost reminiscent of their hair, ears and tail. 

Rai is not a poet, however, so he brushes those thoughts away and settles for thinking that the moonset is beautiful. 

He can just barely make out stars already pricking holes in the twilight, shining quietly over the constant hustle and bustle of Ransen. It didn’t matter that any other cat would usually be heading to bed at this time-- Rai feels that if he were to nickname the city, he’d name it one “that never sleeps”. Merchants and peddlers never really did seem to need sleep, anyway.

Once the Moon of Shadow pushes itself up off the horizon and into the sky, dangling by constellations and silver thread, Rai decides that he should probably retire for tonight. He closes one side of the window, leaving the other open for air circulation, and removes his guiding leaf from the small bowl of water near his bed, tucking it into a pocket on his cloak hanging in the corner. As he lays down he comes upon the thought that the nondescript cot is not nearly as lavish as that of other inns he’s stayed at, but then again; this is Bardo’s inn after all. Ignoring the lumps below him, he grooms for a moment then pulls the covers over himself, barely slipping into sleep after tossing and turning for a few minutes.

He wakes to scratching above him. Immediately he shoots out of bed and reaches for his dagger on the bedside table, but he falters when he realizes he’s still alone in the room. Suddenly he hears it again; except this time, it sounds more like stumbling on the roof tiles rather than intentional scratching to his groggy ears. Nonetheless he still ties his dagger around his waist, figuring better safe than sorry. He opens the window fully again, nimbly swinging out with his hand gripping the sill and pushing himself upwards onto the roof to land on his feet. Just from here he can make out a cloaked figure sitting alone, seemingly moongazing. Rai places a hand on his dagger, just in case, and takes two steps at a time as he scales the roof to reach the highest point, where the offender in question sits. 

His fear is quelled when he sees a familiar black tail peek out from under the cloak, swaying languidly as its owner watches the Moon of Shadow move across the sky ever so slowly. Rai sheathes his dagger then, having pulled it out halfway, and sighs exaggeratedly so that Asato will acknowledge him, despite having sensed his presence from the moment he crept out the window. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” Rai admonishes, sitting down beside the other (though not close enough to give off the impression of a couple). Asato looks at him with eyes like a deer in headlights, then bares his fangs halfheartedly. “I couldn’t sleep.” He mumbles, glancing back up at the Moon, then back to Rai. “Don’t tell Konoe?” He asks.

“I’m not your mother, stupid cat.” Rai mutters, but his tone lacks the venom it usually possesses when using his insult of choice. Asato seems to notice, too, and cocks his head at the other curiously. “Shouldn’t you be asleep too?” He wonders aloud, his expression that of a child putting two and two together. Rai’s exposed eye twitches; though he would never admit it, that expression would pluck at his heartstrings no matter how many times he witnessed it.

"I was asleep, until I heard a certain someone bumbling around up here." Rai says, smirking at how Asato bristles. "I wasn't _bumbling_." He pouts.

Rai has to hold back a snicker at that. 

Soon enough the Moon of Shadow begins to descend at their backs, lazing on the skyline as the Moon of Light pushes itself upward. Rai is not surprised he spent this long alone with Asato, talking with minimal arguing-- actually, he is surprised at the minimal arguing part-- but Asato jumps when he realizes it's nearly morning. Rai pretends to not notice as he slinks away to make things less awkward for them both, but Asato does something strange then, throwing a final glance towards Rai and turning his back to him then digging his claws into the tree next to the inn. He pulls them out (without splinters, miraculously), then does it again, and again-- it takes a couple seconds for Rai to realize he's sharpening his claws. He doesn't exactly get Asato's train of thought-- maybe it's a morning ritual from Kira?-- but he doesn't question it. 

He stands then, and without a word to the black cat he slips back inside, jumping over the edge of the roof and pulling himself back inside his window. Asato doesn't cease his motions, so Rai assumes he didn't notice.

When he reaches the dining hall that morning, he isn't asked about any noise from the roof that could've been heard last night, not by Konoe nor Bardo; they either didn't notice, or had probably been busy making their own noise, anyway. 

As if speaking of a devil, Konoe ambles downstairs at the thought of him. "Morning." He yawns in Rai's direction, and the taller cat snickers. "Didn't get much sleep last night?" He asks, mocking. 

Konoe's expression goes from groggy to flustered in an instant, cycling between embarrassment and irritation towards Rai. "Shut up!" He spits, scowling. Rai chuckles.

Eventually Bardo joins them, with arms laden with dishes upon dishes of breakfast for the two as well as the other guests. Only after he's distributed them does he sit down for a moment, popping a kuim in his mouth and seating himself next to Konoe and opposite Rai. The latter ignores their conversation that sparks, instead focusing on picking apart a pheasant Bardo’s cooked up and nibbling at the pieces he dissects.

It takes two tries for Konoe to get his attention away from his meal, the first being saying his name and the second being snapping his fingers in Rai’s face. “Rai!” He says as he attempts to catch the other’s gaze. Said cat finally looks up, confusion flashing in his icy blue eye for a moment before it disappears, replaced with his usual skepticism. “What is it?” He inquires, not that bothered by Konoe’s pestering.

Konoe bristles and juts his lower lip out in an annoyed expression. “I was going to ask if you knew where Asato is.” He asks. Rai opens his mouth to say _check the roof_ before he catches on to Konoe’s test, and instead replies with, “Why do you think I’d know where that stupid cat went?”

Konoe scowls at the insult even though it’s not aimed at him, and he’s about to fire back until Bardo places a hand on his shoulder, smiling at Rai with fox eyes. “It’s obvious why, isn’t it?” 

Rai finds himself growing more and more miffed for every second Bardo continues to grin. “Nobody asked you, old cat.” He mutters, pushing aside the pheasant he’d been gnawing at and making to leave, just as Asato pokes his head through the window. “Breakfast?” He asks, looking to Konoe for an answer. The latter nods and motions for him to come inside, holding out a kuim for him to take. Asato does a somersault to fit himself through the window and politely accepts the fruit, taking a messy bite, its sweet and sour juice dripping down his chin.

Bardo laughs at the display, while Konoe retrieves a handkerchief from his waist, sighing and telling Asato to not be so eager. Rai, however, still standing by the window from which Asato emerged, is frozen in place.

To a group of onlookers, the three cats may look somewhat like a family, but that’s not what bothers Rai-- during Asato’s jump from the inside to the outside, he happened to expose a wonderful view of a generous sliver of his torso, now burned into Rai’s mind. He already secretly relished in the beauty of Asato’s figure, toned and muscular, yet still more slender than Rai himself despite likely being on (and Rai would only admit this begrudgingly) a similar level of physical strength.

It really isn’t the time for this, but right now he can imagine in explicit detail Asato above him in his lumpy cot, looking down on Rai and licking his lips, his clothing discarded and body revealed to Rai alone, pressing burning kisses to Rai’s neck as he swallows his awe; Asato pulling away only to lean back down and plant his lips upon Rai’s own, too shy for tongue at first then becoming bolder and licking into Rai’s mouth; Asato trailing a hand down Rai’s abs and palming his groin, then taking Rai gently into his hand and moving agonizingly slow as he--

That fantasy, along with that of kuim juices slipping out of Asato’s mouth and down his chin, leaves Rai, well, a little more than aroused.

“Rai?” Konoe asks, noticing the other’s cheeks rapidly coloring shades upon shades of red as he stands stiffly in place. He follows Rai’s gaze (which is, quite obviously, latched onto Asato’s back), and the pieces click in his head instantaneously as a sly smile spreads across his lips. Luckily for Rai, he snaps out of his daze at the same time that Konoe notices him, and says nothing as he quickly looks away and hurries upstairs at an amazing speed. Bardo looks at Konoe with a question in his eyes, only for Konoe to giggle knowingly and wiggle his eyebrows. Asato is still quite absorbed in finishing his kuim. 

Rai busies himself with preparing for the day instead of doing what would seem obvious to any other cat, pulling on his coat and positioning his sword on his back as he opens the window. He tucks the guiding leaf from last night into his bag and takes a drink of water from the barrel in the corner of the room, then nimbly leaps through the window, grabbing a hold of the sill to give himself something to hold onto before dropping to the ground and landing squarely on his feet.

He didn’t originally have any plans for the day, but with an erection on his hands that he refuses to indulge, he decides a splash of cold water to his face would be a good way to start. He knows there’s a running stream a little towards the outskirts of Ransen to the south, so Rai heads in its direction. 

Cold water certainly helps his issue, as well as refusing any thought of Asato that tries to barge its way into his conscience. He leans back against a nearby tree to groom while his mind wanders. 

Fortunately for Rai, lewd thoughts of Asato don’t surface, but the usual ones do. He thinks about Bardo as well, strangely enough. He supposes that they would be the best person to ask about his predicament concerning the black cat, but hell if his pride would allow that-- Konoe would never let him live it down, even if he did manage to ask. He supposes he could guess what the elder cat would say, anyway; something along the lines of “be honest with him” or “sweep him off his feet”. It was ironic, in a way-- Rai had always seen himself as well off, what with his combat skills and such, but now that he experiences something other than bloodlust he’s caught off guard. It must be punishment from Two Canes, he decides. 

After grooming himself Rai heads for the heart of the city once more, though he isn’t looking to head back to the inn; Datou has come, and he couldn’t look around without seeing at least one cat laden with flowers, tucked into their hair and around their ears. Most cats wear brighter colors around this time, contrasting the darker hues of Antou, and others knot together the stems of freshly bloomed flowerbuds with each other to form crowns that they wear around the city. The scent of kebabs of meat cooking over open fire permeates the air, making every cat’s mouth water, and ripe kuims, along with other succulent fruits, are being sold everywhere Rai looks. A brown-furred cat plays a lute under a tree, and a small group of younger cats surrounds him with closed eyes as their ears twitch in rhythm with his song. Overall, the atmosphere is much less ominous than that of Antou-- Datou feels like coming home, like Sisa has returned to its prime once more. 

Rai walks through the crowd without paying too much mind to the festivities; it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, though he does buy a skewer of beastmeat to chew on as he makes his way through. As the day falls to night the evening will light up with lanterns and dancing of both cats drunk on soporifics and on the energy, and only on the final day of Datou will everyone gather around their respective bonfires to burn their flowers, crowns and all. New ashes make for new beginnings, Rai supposes.

His ears perk up when he hears a yell from behind him, and when he turns to see what the commotion is a familiar cat bounds past him, black tail trailing behind him as he scampers away. “Get back here, thief!” One of the stall-owners shouts, waving a cleaver in the air as if he were going to gut Asato himself. Rai sighs, and against his better judgment he takes off after the object of his affections, who’s not even fleeing as fast as Rai is sure he could. He dashes after Asato’s back, moving as fast as he can with a sword on his back and a heavy coat, but the black cat only speeds up once he hears Rai’s footsteps behind him. “Stupid cat.” He mutters, kicking up off the ground and landing upon a storefront rooftop, following Asato with his eyes as he leaps from roof to roof. Once Rai gains on him enough to be at an equal speed, he leaps from the tiles below him, jumping swiftly down from his previous altitude and landing square on his feet in before Asato.

The black cat isn’t able to stop in such a split second, and crashes right into Rai’s chest, toppling them both over and landing sprawled out on top of each other on the ground. Asato pushes himself up on his hands, Rai caught beneath him, and for what feels like eternity, Asato’s deep blue eyes bore into Rai’s own icy ones. Rai feels his face heating up at an incredible speed, but in the instant before he props himself up and pushes Asato off him he swears he sees the other cat’s eyes go half-lidded, just for a moment. “Get off me, thieving cat.” He orders, all but shoving Asato off him and standing. 

He drags Asato back to the kebab stall by the scruff of his neck, berating him all the way there. He still pulls out four pieces from a pouch at his waist, though, when the store owner demands compensation. 

By some twist of fate, Asato ends up sticking to him throughout the rest of the day, even when Rai sighs and tells the other that he’s not his new master. Asato bares his fangs at that, replying indignantly that Konoe is his friend, not his master, but there is less venom behind the words than usual. 

Only when Rai is returning to his room in the evening does Asato confront him about the events of Datou. “Thank you.” He says, face wrinkling like he’s cringing saying the words at all. Rai raises an eyebrow, and with a wave of his hand dismissing his earlier charity, he retires to his room.

Once he’s alone, the memories of earlier surface relentlessly. He wanders aimlessly through his thoughts, wondering what would have happened should he had not pursued Asato at all, what would have happened if he had not let the other stand when they fell, what would have happened if he’d closed his eyes, in that moment, and Asato had covered Rai’s mouth with his own. 

He curses quietly into the dark room, where not even a guiding leaf has been lit. He runs a bare hand down over his chest, gliding over his abs, then stopping short of his groin, as if he’s afraid of what might lie there. Closing his eyes, Rai slips his fingers beneath his belt, and takes himself into his hand. 

_Asato’s hands are calloused, large and warm, only slightly bigger than Rai’s own. He strokes slowly at first, as if he’s unsure of his own actions, and runs his thumb along the tip, milking out the beginnings of pre-cum. Rai lets out a breath he’s been holding at the pressure, goosebumps popping up on his skin as Asato runs his other hand along Rai’s torso, sliding up to where his shirt had ridden up and exposed his chest and circling around the sensitive skin of his nipple. Rai exhales, breath hitching ever so slightly as he turns to putty beneath Asato’s touch._

_The black cat leans closer to him, pumping his hand up and down over Rai’s shaft at an infuriatingly languid pace. “Ah--” Rai gasps quietly when Asato removes his fingers for a moment to massage his balls. “Asa-- to--”_

_Said cat purrs at the way Rai utters his name, broken from the haze of pleasure, and wraps his hand around Rai’s cock once more as he begins to move a little faster. He tweaks Rai’s nipple gently, rolling the bud between his thumb and pointer finger, eliciting a soft sigh from the one-eyed cat. Rai bites his lip to keep from letting out any more embarrassing noises, but Asato looks at him with a mournful gaze when he does, so he clenches his teeth instead. The black cat speeds up his pace, and the friction makes Rai’s toes curl in ecstasy. “Mmh…” He groans, and squeezes his eyes shut as he nears the edge of his climax. “Asato, Asato, I’m clo-- Asa--”_

_Asato doesn’t slow his hand; if anything he speeds up at Rai’s uncharacteristically heavy breathing. He leans his face close to Rai’s ear then, murmuring, “Come for me, Rai.”_

_Hearing his own name in such a husky tone, laden with lust, pushes Rai over the edge. “A-Ah--!” He cries out, his moans of pleasure sounding wrong in such a baritone as the waves of his orgasm crash through him like a storm. A shiver runs down his spine when he sees Asato lick his lips unconsciously at the seed spilled in his palm, and a tear escapes out of the corner of his eye as the black cat watches him, silent while wearing those eyes from earlier in the day._

Rai opens his eyes. Washes his hand in a small bowl after retrieving water from the basin. Straightens his clothes. Tucks the guiding leaf into a flax pouch on his belt before removing said belt and sliding into bed, seconds away from slumber. If he dreams of the ocean, with something untapped dwelling in the sapphire blue depths, he doesn’t tell anyone. 

In the early morning, Rai wakes to creaking upon the roof once more, but this time he doesn’t jump for his dagger instantaneously. Instead he grooms himself and laps up some water from the basin in the corner of the room, then throws on his coat and jumps through the window, twisting his body and pushing up off the sill so that he lands on the roof of the inn. A grey-cloaked back in faces him. Rai sighs exaggeratedly to draw Asato’s attention though he knows the latter is aware of his presence, given that he hadn’t concealed his at all.

The cat that turns around is not Asato. They could’ve fooled an untrained eye with their black fur, though, Rai thinks, bracing himself for battle immediately. Bloodlust rolls off them in waves, and Rai barely has time to draw his sword (luckily already sheathed against his back) before they pounce, two small blades drawn. Rai parries expertly, but while he has strength on his side, the cloaked cat has speed. The jabs don’t slow in the least, and Rai curses himself for leaving his dagger in his room as they attack again and again, forcing Rai to the defensive. 

One blade barely nicks Rai’s jaw, and he _tsks_ at the subtle pain that blooms there as blood is drawn. No satisfaction or confidence comes from his attacker, however-- the absolute desire to kill is all that Rai can sense from them, filling the air like smoke.

The other cat eventually grows tired of Rai’s defense, it seems, as they kick off the roof into the air and throw one of the blades squarely towards Rai’s throat. He dodges, but before he has a chance to retaliate the cat has landed and drawn another blade to replace the one they’d thrown, and for a moment they stand in a stalemate-- Rai with his sword positioned with the handle held above his shoulder and the tip pointing downwards, while his attacker holds their blades defensively close to their body. The tension is practically thick enough to be cut. 

Rai doesn’t make a move, counting on the cat’s bloodlust to propel them first, and surely enough, it does. The cloaked cat charges forward, the blade in their right hand aimed for Rai’s throat once more. He parries it, the force knocking it out of their grasp and sending it flying amongst the rooftops, and for a second Rai believes he’s gained the upper hand, until an intense pain resounds sharply in his thigh. When he looks down, he sees the blade of their left hand buried in his flesh as blood leaks from the wound around the weapon. Rai bites his lip hard enough to draw the very same blood, determined to not let this cat best him in pride, and taking the opportunity of them thinking they’ve won to swing his sword with all his strength, cleanly slicing through their neck and disconnecting their head from the rest of their body. 

Blood gushes from their throat like a geyser, spattering over Rai’s face and hair and clothes, and they crumble to the ground like a headless puppet with its strings cut. Rai exhales a sigh of relief that he was able to finish them before he lost too much blood, but as if the thought had reminded him of his pain, razor-sharp, stabbing agony tears through him. He drops to his knees, and though he wants nothing more than to rip the sorry knife out of him, he knows that the blade will stop too much blood from escaping and give his body at least a miniscule chance to clot the wound. With one of his legs mostly out of commission, however, Rai realizes he has no way to get down from the roof, unless he wants to take the fall to the ground and hope it won’t do too much damage. 

The path of least resistance captures his attention though, this time alone, and he collapses, body warmed by the residual life of the cat beneath him. In the darkness that is unconsciousness, Rai succumbs to sleep.

* * *

When Rai comes to, it’s in a cot that reminds him of his own, lumps and all. He cracks his eye open slowly, trying to become accustomed to the soft light of a guiding leaf instead of the black of slumber, and as he looks around he discovers that he is, indeed, in his own room at the inn, if his own scent permeating the bed wasn’t indicative of that. He tries to sit up, but is halted by a horrible pain in his right thigh, like a knife twisting in a wound. When he lifts the blanket atop his body he’s greeted by his legs, dressed in his usual pants, though one has a huge hole ripped in it-- as if it was done to expose the wound there, now wrapped tightly with cloth bandages. A small bowl of what looks to be healing herbs sits upon the round table between the two beds. 

Rai grunts as he swings his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring his body’s screaming to lie back down, but when he attempts to stand he falls to the floor with a loud thud. Agony racks his body as it metastasizes from his thigh, shocking through him like thunder, and he dimly registers the sound of the door being thrown open. In an instant Konoe is by his side, calling for Bardo to lift him back into bed as he struggles to move Rai’s large body-- the striped cat wraps one of Rai’s arms around his shoulders and maneuvers him back to the cot, being careful to be gentle with the other cat’s leg as he lifts it back into the bed. “The hell did you think you were doing?!” Konoe scolds, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “You’re injured, you stupid cat!” 

Hearing his trademark insult from Konoe of all people is a bit demeaning, but Rai endures the smaller cat’s harsh words. “Don’t you dare reopen that wound, it took Asato a long time to sew that together!” Konoe says reproachfully. 

At Asato’s name Rai’s ears perk up slightly, so subtle that Konoe doesn’t even notice, too engulfed in his tirade. “What, the slave wanted to operate?” He asks casually, making Konoe go red in the face with frustration. “He’s not anyone’s slave! He’s Asato! And he did volunteer, thank you very much; maybe because he actually cares! Dummy cat!” He shouts indignantly, then turns on his heel and stomps right out the door. 

Rai rolls his eye at Konoe’s outburst, and is about to lie back down from where he’s sat up until Bardo, still in the room, speaks. “He is right, you know.” 

An icy blue eye narrows at Bardo’s brown ones, nonchalant and unconcerned. “He let it spill, didn’t he.” He mutters. 

The striped cat smiles with fox eyes at that. “You think I didn’t figure it out first? I’m hurt.” He chuckles, then his expression turns forlorn. “I’ve known you for a long time, Rai.” 

Rai looks away, unwilling to bare himself to the man who’d raised him only to betray him. “Is that all you had to say? Get out.” He spits, but Bardo doesn’t budge from where he stands, instead sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. “You really haven’t changed, huh…” He murmurs.

The other whips around, fangs bared and ready to tear this cat apart, but Bardo speaks before he has a chance to. “Asato’s a good kid. Reminds me of you when you were younger.” He says, gaze distant. “So give him a chance, will you? Don’t try to act so stoic.”

He leaves the room with Rai gaping after him, closing the door with a quiet _clink_ and giving the other some much needed time alone. Rai supposes that if he _did_ heed his advice (which he obviously wouldn’t, but this was just theoretical) and give Asato a “chance”, as Bardo said, then it might give a relationship of sorts some room to blossom-- were there any “chance” of a relationship blossoming in the first place. Though it may seem pessimistic to most, Rai had already resigned himself to his unrequited fate, and the idea of abandoning that and taking a leap into the unknown was, well, scary, in the plainest sense of the word. Say Bardo was right, and Asato harbored the same feelings-- even then, what would happen? What would Asato say when he realized Rai’s true nature? What would he say when he saw him smile, then?

Overwhelmed by these kinds of thoughts, Rai decides to rest in the meantime, but before he can burrow under the thin blankets covering his legs a familiar face leans down from above his window, peering in. Rai blinks as Asato’s gaze pierces him, and blinks again when the black cat opens his mouth, asking, “Can I come in?”

“Do what you want.” Is Rai’s curt response, so Asato drops his hold on the window frame and flips inside the room, probably being a bit more grandiose than he necessarily needs to be. Asato stands there awkwardly in front of Rai’s cot for a moment, lacing his fingers together in front of him, seemingly unsure of what to say before he finally pipes up. “Is your wound healing?” He blurts. 

Rai rolls his eye, lips turning up in a mocking smile. “I hope it is, considering you’re the one who worked on it.” He says. The black cat’s face darkens slightly with a hint of a blush, but it disappears as fast as it appears, which is, within a split second-- “Konoe told you?” 

Rai nods, expression showing off a shade of condescension, and Asato rubs his nape. “It was only fair.” He explains. “That was a pursuer from Kira.”

At this Rai does a double take. He had expected it was simply an enemy he’d made along the way as a bounty hunter, but he didn’t expect that he had been fighting on Asato’s behalf, and much less won on his behalf as well. “They really don’t let up, do they.” He mutters, a bit irritated for a reason he would never tell the other. Asato cocks his head at him, and upon looking around the room, walks to the side of Rai’s bed and perches himself upon a stool next to it that Konoe had likely set up while tending to him. “Why did you fight them?” He asks, looking at Rai like a curious child.

The larger cat raises an eyebrow like he doubts that should even be a question, and answers: “They attacked me, so I fought back, of course.” Asato doesn’t look satisfied with this response, however, and presses further. “But couldn’t you have stopped before you killed them?”

Rai is rather shaken hearing that-- yes, he supposes, he could’ve stopped; but then his bloodlust would not have been sated-- no, he wasn’t going to think about that right now. More importantly, that cat would’ve kept pursuing Asato then, wouldn’t they?

Asato waits for a reply patiently. “Isn’t it better for you that I killed them?” Rai asks, his tone guarded as he tries to turn the topic back to the black cat himself. The other looks to the side and nods sheepishly, but Rai can sense that there’s something more Asato wants to know. “How did you let yourself get hurt?” He questions, shifting uncomfortably in his seat on the stool, as if he knows to ask that is to cross an unspoken line. 

Which, it is. Rai grits his teeth in irritation, trying desperately to keep himself from lashing out at Asato’s roundabout insult to his battle skills and answer the inquiry instead. “I didn’t have my dagger.” He says shortly, snapping his mouth shut once that comes out so as to keep himself from saying anything unnecessary. It’s Asato’s turn to raise an eyebrow, now-- Rai never forgot his weapons, no matter where he went. “But you were on the roof…” He mumbles to himself, and Rai can practically see the gears turning in his head as he attempts to put two and two together, much to the other’s discontent. 

“Was that all you came to ask?” He asks, curt and ready to change the subject. Asato blinks, seemingly still not understanding Rai’s true motive, but shakes his head. The injured cat raises an eyebrow, gesturing for the other to continue speaking, but is caught slightly off guard when Asato’s tail begins to wave in embarrassment as his cheeks color. “Thank you.” He murmurs, fiddling with his claws as he looks at the floor. 

Rai is taken aback; he doesn’t quite get why Asato is so bashful all of a sudden, but from the mood alone he too becomes sheepish, his ears laying flatter than usual as he looks away. “Don’t thank me, stupid cat.” He says to the cot beside him. “Go bother your master.”

Asato wrinkles his nose at that. “Konoe is not my master.” He protests. “Konoe is Konoe.”

“Konoe is an indecisive cat with no sense of direction and a crooked tail.” Rai corrects, moreso to rile Asato up rather than dirty Konoe’s name; he can tell he’s succeeded when the black cat’s ears flatten down against his head and he growls. “Don’t insult him!” He hisses.

Rai waves a hand in the air as if he doesn’t care enough to continue the conversation, feeling much more comfortable with the upper hand. “The slave protects his master, as always.” He yawns, and lays down in his cot while burrowing beneath his blanket, clearly implying that it’s time for Asato to leave the room. The black cat clenches his fists and exhales irritatedly as he stalks over to the door and throws it open, slamming it as he walks out. 

Once alone, Rai ponders. He supposes Asato really did stitch him up, as he doubts that all three of the other cats could come up with such an elaborate story, but the question that lies in his mind is not about that, but rather about Asato’s earlier words. He doesn’t understand why both of them became quite so shy at the same time, as if there were something unspoken hanging in the atmosphere-- well, there _was_ , but Asato didn’t know that, did he?

Nonetheless, Bardo’s words echo in his head. _”Give him a chance”, huh,_ Rai wonders. Within the fantasy of requited feelings, he falls prey to slumber.

The next morning, Konoe brings up a plate of beastmeat and roasted nuts, then retrieves a cup of water for Rai from the basin. He places the food on Rai's lap while the water sits within his reach on the sidetable, and after he picks at his meal for a bit Konoe lifts his blanket, sighing at the blood pricking through the bandages. He pulls a small bowl from the satchel he's wearing at his side and scoops up some water from the basin, setting it next to Rai's cup on the sidetable and then digging out a fresh cloth. The larger cat steels himself for the pain that's to come, and surely enough, as Konoe gingerly removes the bandages, it stings in his leg so potently that Rai wouldn't doubt he's been stabbed again. 

It's now that he gets a look at Asato's handiwork-- it's not half bad, a sturdy string threaded uniformly through his flesh to (literally) make ends meet. The wound has begun to clot already, but a few scabs peel off with the old bandage, allowing bright red blood to bead up at the surface once more. Konoe doesn't waste any time, ripping a small square from the new cloth and dipping it in the bowl then running it gently over the gash, cleaning away dried blood and residual medicinal herbs from the first application. Rai bites his lip to keep from hissing, but Konoe can probably tell how painful it is anyway with how his ears have flattened and his tail is sticking straight out with tension. 

After he cleans the wound he rinses the square of cloth in the bowl, then dips it in the medicinal herbs already at Rai's bedside and dabs them onto the exposed flesh. This time the other can't help the growl that escapes him, struggling to stay still under the sting of Konoe's hands as the latter is careful not to push the powder too far into the gash. Once he finishes he props Rai's leg up on his own thigh, wrapping a new bandage around it and securing it snugly at the end.

Konoe finishes dressing the wound with a relieved exhale. "It didn't get infected, thank goodness." He tells Rai, who relaxes once the bandage is in place. "I'll bring you food, so don't you dare try to get up!" He says firmly. 

Rai hunches his shoulders in a sulk-- what good was a handicapped cat?-- but he doesn't make a retort. The corners of Konoe’s mouth turn up at that (Rai looks especially similar to Asato when he’s done something bad), and he has an urge to ruffle Rai’s long hair, but doesn’t to save face. 

Konoe leaves after that, and Rai is left alone once more. 

At night, he finds himself unable to sleep. His mind keeps wandering back to Asato, and he wonders if the black cat is watching the Moon of Shadow right now, alone. As if summoned by his thoughts, however, said cat’s head pops up from outside the window, his eyes shining with an interesting expression. As he jumps into the room Rai sighs an amused sigh, saying, “Do come in.”

Asato perches himself upon Konoe’s stool again, and fidgets for a moment before opening his mouth to speak: “Is your wound healing?” 

Rai nods. “Surely you didn’t drop by just to ask that.” He chuckles when Asato looks at him with lips twisted in a pout. “What if I did?” The other challenges. 

The larger cat shrugs, not very committed to an argument right now. “I suppose you really have that little faith in your handiwork, then.” He says, tone mostly disinterested but still mocking. Asato notices this, but instead of going on the defensive and retorting, his cheeks darken slightly and he looks to the window like he wishes he hadn’t come in in the first place. “The moon,” he starts, pausing as if he’s not sure what to say next, “it’s pretty tonight.”

Rai follows his gaze to the view from his window, and surely enough Asato isn’t lying; it really is beautiful. He raises an eyebrow at the other nonetheless, causing the black cat to turn another shade of reddish. “Your hair.” He blurts out then, “--It looks like the moon.” 

The injured cat blinks once, then twice. “Yes?” He asks, just to make sure he heard right, flustering Asato even more. “Your hair is-- it’s-- pretty.” He murmurs, gaze flying around the floor.

Something clicks in Rai’s head, and he becomes hyper-aware of the other cat’s appearance. His face is a couple shades darker than the rest of his body, and blue eyes are averted, looking anywhere but Rai. Black hair has fallen into his face, obscuring his vision slightly, and his ears lay downturned like he’s done something wrong. His tail, smooth and silky-looking, waves anxiously behind him.

“Don’t say such embarrassing things, stupid cat.” Rai says quietly, rapidly realizing the intensity of the current moment as his cheeks turn pink. Asato ventures a glance at him then, and is rather surprised to see his face in the same state as Asato’s own-- it’s a rare sight, he knows. _I want to kiss him,_ he thinks. If he could read Rai’s mind, he’d hear a similar desire. 

When Rai regains enough courage to look Asato in the eyes again, he unintentionally interrupts the black cat’s unabashed stare, though the latter doesn’t look away. “What?” Rai asks, goosebumps popping up on his arms the longer Asato watches him. 

“Your hair--” he says, barely audible. “You’re beautiful.”

Before Rai can react Asato has stood from his stool and inched closer. He sits on the edge of Rai’s cot, and with his face only centimeters from the other cat’s, he stops. “Can I?” He whispers. 

Rai is sure his face will burn off if Asato gets any closer, but his eye is locked with blue ones. “Do what you want.” He breathes. 

The next instant, Asato has covered Rai’s lips with his own. It is a chaste kiss, soft and unassuming, and for a while it stays like that, just two mouths moving slowly against each other. Rai’s eye starts out wide open at the surprise of Asato’s kiss, but as seconds inch by it slides shut in bliss. He realizes then that there is no one around to log the moment as real aside from the Moon of Shadow, but somehow, he doesn’t care if it’s a dream. _If this is a dream,_ he thinks, _let it never end._

After another second Asato pulls away, panting slightly from the air he’d missed while kissing Rai. The latter opens his eye again, and when Asato gazes into its icy depths and sees it clouded with infatuation he nearly begins to cry. Instead, however, he wraps his arms around Rai’s shoulders and buries his face in the other’s chest, inhaling his scent quietly. “I think I like you.” He says, soft and muffled into Rai’s shirt. 

Rai looks out at the Moon of Shadow then, silently thanking it. _He’s going to kill me,_ he realizes. _I’m going to die for this cat._

But somehow, he finds he doesn’t mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a labor of love to write, i didn't even get to write the parts i was really hoping for though... should i add an epilogue? it would be very fluffy and bump the rating up to explicit.


End file.
